Spiritual satanism is very hard

Spiritual Satanism is very hard. I dedicated sometime before Halloween in 2012, so I'm still an under a year newbie. I have learned so much within this time but not enough.
My fiancé' dedicated February 4th, 2013 and met his guardian Demon a week after his dedication. His guardian is HAURES. (Hail HAURES!) he met his guardian so unbelievably fast because his third eye has been completely open since he as 11. He started seeing spirits, and people, and angels at age 11, almost right after his dad died that year. When he met HAURES it was at the Vol park. (Showse park in vermilion, Ohio) he seems to meet her and his dad at that park in his dreams a lot. I'm not exactly sure why things like this happen at that location. It's maybe a 5 minute walk from where we live now.
I'm so jealous I can't stand it. I'm emotionally, mentally, and spiritually stronger than him, yet I don't know anything about who my guardian is really. It helps that he can see demons easily if he tries, or sometimes without trying but still. I feel so lost.
Since I've dedicated I have felt that Beelzebub, Glaysa-Labolas, or Andras was my guardian. But as time has passed my feelings about who they might be have changed quite rapidly. At first I thought for sure Glasya-labolas was my guardian, I even tried to ask him and felt like it was a positive yes, but yet now I for sure feel like its Andras. Yet one time when my bf was in a fight with me, he was about to do something bad, and saw 3 or 4 demons circled around me looking at him very mad.

At first he said there were 3 girls and a guy, but recently he said it was 2 girls and a guy demon he saw around me that night. But why would 3 or 4 demons come to protect me?

I was and still would be surprised if even 1 demon came to help me.
But 3? Or 4?

I thought how could this be? How could I be worth that much protection?

I wish so bad to meet my guardian, and all the other demons.
I may not have gone as far in a past life as my BF did with his third eye. But my mind tells me I have had relationships with many Demons.

But how do I Know for sure? Could my mind be lying to me, or am I just a little too crazy like you hear about those SS that have fallen too deep into it, and start saying crazy things like my other was a demon and my father a human, and some other things I've read about how people have kinda lost themselves in this religion.

I love father Satan with all my heart. But everyday seems to get harder and harder.

I think I may have gone. Suicide in a past life, and that's why I think about it every once in a while when things don't go right.

I know life is made so hard on us so that we can be strong. I can tell you I am FUCKING strong in all ways (except physically, I'm a vegetarian and kinda weak lol) and everyone has told me I am one of the strongest people they know. Especially for a girl. I'm even more stable than my BF or most guys, yet I feel so weak. IM never good enough for me.

HAURES has told Mike that I was very important. I just wish I knew what for so I could go and start working my hardest on it, but I'm not sure yet.

I know I'm only 18 yars old, but it feels like its been forever and I've just been wasting my life. But it's so hard to do things like magick and meditation when they don't do much, then I feel worthless, and spiritually weak.

I have healed Mike a few times before. One of the best being recently this month, he had an asthma attack, and I healed him.

He said he has never had an asthma attack without having to go to the emergency room before.

That made me feel so strong. But not enough.


I just have to work harder. It just seems to hard and far away, and to have to balance that with trying to make money, and find a job since. I've been unemployed since my first job I quit back in December. And getting mike. A car, and us finding a house, getting married, and soon having Kellin, which is our first son, and first child. We have had many dreams about Kellin, and we now he will be our first. Spiritual satanism has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. But Satan needs fighters right? And I sure make one hell of a good fighter. I will never give up on Satan. No matter what. I'd give up on myself before him. HAIL SATAN! HAIL HAURES! HAIL ANDRAS! HAIL GLASYA-LABOLAS! HAIL THE GODS OF DUAT!

Lucid dreaming. Awareness of dreams

Lucid Dreaming : Conscious Awareness of Your DreamsOne essential phase of sleep called the rapid-eye-movement (REM) phase is wheremost dreams occur. Humans and lab animals that have been deprived of REM sleepexhibit bizarre and often psychotic behavior. Researchers have found that your REMdream state is predominantly the alpha and theta brainwave states (4 to 7 cycles persecond and 7 to 14 cycles per second respectively).Dreams are ordinarily spontaneous and representative of subconscious meander-ings. They can also be a psychological release of tension. As far back as Biblicaltimes, dreams have symbolically carried meaning ("... and Pharaoh told them hisdream; but there was none that could interpret them unto Pharaoh." Gen. 41:8).Since dreams are often veiled in symbolism, it's important to record your dreams andperiodically review them to acquaint yourself with any interpretive parallelshappening in your life. After interpreting your own subconscious symbolism,dreams can open themselves up to a personal enjoyment instead of a perplexingexperience.The term lucid dreaming describes the experience of consciously recognizingduring a dream that you are dreaming. By involving your conscious awareness in asubconscious activity, you can learn to control the content of your dream and itscourse of action. The more mindful and fully conscious you are in your normalwaking state, the easier it will be for you to master the lucid dreaming state. Review“Exercise -- Mindfulness: Improving Your Conscious Awareness” to sharpen yourlucid dreaming state.Dreams to a lucid dreamer are more vivid than simple visualizations. Objects andpeople appear to be and feel solid, and the dreamer is often able to converseintelligently with his own dream characters. Lucid dreamers can create or eliminatecharacters and items within the dream by simply wanting to do so. In dreams, youcan even levitate or fly. So if you're ever in doubt of your dream state, try flying as atest.A Malaysian tribe called the Senoi revolves much of its culture around dreams. Atan early age, parents question their children closely about their dreams. The childrenare taught early how to control their dreams and to bring about beneficial outcomes.By consciously manipulating their subconscious dreams, the Senoi manifest positiveresults in the waking world and resolve their daily problems more readily.One technique to achieving a lucid dream state is to ask yourself the question, "Is this a dream?" or "Am I dreaming?" 10 to 20 times just before falling asleep. Theconscious repetitiveness of the question will eventually be submerged into thesubconscious dream state. Reflecting cognitively upon such a question in the dreamstate will result in some form of conscious intervention and awareness, and hence alucid dream state will be achieved.As a variation of the former method, simply count and affirm just before retiring,"I am dreaming, One" -- "I am dreaming, Two" and so on. Attending to the countingprocess keeps your conscious awareness vigilant to what you intend to do. For thosepeople who tend to fall asleep rapidly, this method can have you counting straightinto dreamland.Another method is to reiterate over and over to yourself just before going to sleep,"I am going to sleep now. I know that I will be dreaming. I will recognize that I amdreaming when I am dreaming. Tonight, I will be consciously aware of my dream. Iwill remember what I dream in full conscious detail."You can also use a stimulus response link. For instance just before going tosleep, look at your hand while reiterating to yourself over and over, "When I see myhand in my dream, I will know I am dreaming." One researcher used with greatsuccess a mild electric shock to signal subject dreamers they were dreaming.Any of these techniques may initiate a flood of colors, images, sounds andthoughts. If you begin thinking in abstract ways, it usually indicates the right brain istaking over and the left brain is becoming idle. Just continue observing and thesounds and images will eventually evolve into a 3-dimensional dream that you canconsciously explore, change and learn from.For recurring nightmares or fearful dreams, intensely visualize yourself actively ina more preferred scenario just before falling asleep. Imagine yourself initiatingactions in the manner that is most beneficial to you so that the stage is set for thesubconscious to rerun the same play in your favor. Combine your visualization withthe suggestion that you are in control of your dream and that there is nothing to fear.Eventually your imagery process will merge into a dream process and positive resultswill be achieved.Using the above techniques will produce an ability to achieve lucid dreaming in 4to 5 weeks or less. After achieving a lucid dream state, act only as a casual observerat first or the condition might quickly dissipate into wakefulness. Slowly integrateinto your dreams volitional control and alterations, and soon full dream mastery willbe achieved. If you avoid whimsical notions, you can design purposeful meaning toyour dreams and achieve in the dream state that which you want in the real world. Ifyou want positive episodes to happen in the real world, you can now create dreamsabout them first.Since many remembered dreams are recollections of astral travel (esp. flyingdreams), learning lucid dreaming can also be important in learning how toconsciously remember and participate in astral journeys.There is a right to left brain shift during the night after 45 minutes; then a left toright shift after another 45 minutes. Consequently, every 90 minutes, there is a stormof neuronal activity in the right brain as it goes into its REM dream cycle for severalminutes. Not surprisingly, the same brain cycle follows throughout the day as well.Ever notice how sometimes you're more prone to daydreaming while reading thanat other times? Daydreaming often occurs spontaneously throughout the day and isalso subconsciously oriented. This “in the back of the mind” imaging sometimesguides your thought patterns toward a preoccupation into negative thinking. Sincedaydreams are more easily interrupted, practice observing them when they occur.Then interject your conscious influence over the flow and outcome of the daydreamsby directing them into a more positive result.If daydreams are too elusive to manage, begin with conjured up visualizations thatyou can create for yourself. Devise an imagined script and story and produce yourown inner plays. You can also take advantage of the 45-minute brain shift cycle bypracticing your visualization exercises during right brain period. Research has shownthat lucid dreamers are more likely than non-lucid dreamers to have dreams that arepositive, successful or filled with good fortune. It makes sense, doesn't it? If youcan control the flow and outcome of your dream, why would you want a negativedream?